How many good-byes can a man take? How many good byes before a heart permanently breaks? Can someone die from saying too many good-byes? If its possible, then I might be a dying man, for there are too many good-byes and farewells this year.

In one year, I have said good-bye to Jel three times. I have said more than one sorrowful good-byes on Love Perhaps when some of my closest pals got eliminated, and when I got eliminated. The last time I said good-bye was to all the people I left in Melbourne and returned to KL for a long time if not for good. And I came back to KL only to face one more good-bye: Good-bye to my dear brother, Dexter.

He will be taking another step forward in his tertiary education this coming Saturday, to the United States, to Ohio. I feel a great deal of excitement for him, but at the same time, I'd really prefer it if he stayed. My life back here in KL would be much less fun without him around. And less fun it will be after he leaves. Fuck, it feels like leaving Melbourne all over again.

I thought I'd get used to it by now, but it isn't happening. About 5 days before he leaves and that feeling in my chest is already here. That feeling I had 2 weeks before I was about to leave all the Flare people. That feeling where your heart is slowly sinking into your belly. That feeling where when you lie down, your chest feels like its caving in and you get so sufficated with depression, you just wanna sit up and cry it out profusely.

I don't know when I am going to see him again. His course is two years, and the United States granted him a visa for 5 years so that he can get working experience. The ticket costs more than 4000 ringgit, so unlike me, he probably won't be returning that often. God knows when I am going to see him again.

Globalisation is fucked up. Or perhaps I am fucked up. I just can't take this good-bye shit. I could never take this good-bye shit. And globalisation is giving people alot of good-bye shit. Why do I have to be so sensitive to good-byes? Can't my heart be as manly as my looks? (Yes, I happen to think that I look manly)